Actual thought I just had while watching the Mentalist:

“Oh, please. No moderately sane witch would cast a killing spell. It would come back on her double-whammy.”

It’s possible I’ve spent too much time in San Francisco.

Things I have recently wondered about life and death because of Josh Allen:

-If my non-cremated body were shot into space, would it rot? If so, how much would a NASA-patch shroud slow the decomposition rate? If not, what are the mathematical odds my body would be discovered by alien life forms? Pretty slim, I’d think.

-Actually, I bet people use Power Point at funerals at lot.

-It seems like Purell would kill sperm, right? Someone has tried that out by now.

-Why do magicians dress like Dracula?

“You’ve never even been to Prague.”
“Ohhh, I’ve been to Prague…
…Okay, I haven’t been-to-Prague been to Prague, but I know that thing. I know that stop shaving your armpits, read the Unbearable Lightness of Being, fall in love with a sculptor, now I realize how bad American coffee is thing.”

Foods You Can Bring Into Your Mouth Simply by Sticking Out Your Tongue, a Partial List*

• Popcorn
• Nerds
• Pop Rocks
• Cheerios
• Fruit Loops
• Cap’n Crunch
• Cheetos
• Dry cereals of all sorts
• Puff corn
• Pirate’s Booty
• Pixie Sticks
• Skittles
• Rasinettes
• Hershey’s Kisses
• Lik a Stik powder
• Lik-M-Aid
• Fun Dip
• Cotton candy
• M&Ms
• Dip ‘n’ Dots
• Sprinkles
• Chocolate shavings
• Pringles
• Peanuts
• Ice cream
• Sour Patch Kids
• Sunflower seeds
• The crumbs at the bottom of the chip bag

  Honorable mention: Cheese

*Responses to my tweet.

Watching a children’s fire truck DVD, and the truck says, “I’m so big. While these men are up in my basket, two firefighters are working on me down below.”