My Life So Far | Mighty Girl

Mar 4 2010

Here We Go

A couple points that didn’t make it into the video: We don’t require Hank to express affection. If we ask him to hug someone, or kiss them goodnight, and he says no? That’s the end of the discussion. We say, “Oh, Hank is feeling shy right now. Maybe later,” and we drop it. Because he’s so little and he can’t yet process conversations about sexual abuse, I feel like this is one of the best ways to show him he has the right to decide how and whether touching occurs. My intent is to focus on self-esteem in general, and particularly around issues of personal space to make him a difficult target for predator grooming.

Advice from those with experience welcome in comments.

Update: A few more things I’d like to add after reading comments.

Jan, who was a police officer, makes an excellent point in comments that we can mitigate the damage done to especially young children by reacting with care. Her comment is worth a read.

Amanda said: “I think that this is where things get really difficult — when it’s someone you know, a friend of the family or family itself. If you don’t want to put that person through the criminal justice system (for whatever reason) but you want to respond appropriately. This is where I’m guessing a lot of parents are at a loss.”

I’m not directing this at you Amanda, but I appreciate you raising such a good point. I have to say that I strongly disagree with the notion of helping an abuser avoid the criminal justice system, even if it’s a close loved one with mitigating circumstances. The impulse to shield attackers through silence or inaction is a deep betrayal of our children. Keeping quiet sends a strong message that you’re choosing the molester over your own child’s well being, and to me that’s an abusive mindset. Of course it’s painful to realize that someone you love is an abuser, but better that person suffer for his or her choices than your child suffer further emotional damage in realizing that you are unwilling to fulfill your role as protector.

Also folks are offering some good resources:

King County Sexual Assault Resource Center for how to talk to your kids in age appropriate ways
The Secret of the Silver Horse is a story for older kids.
Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker for those who want more information on protecting their kids’ instincts and their own

Mar 2 2010

Mighty Life List: Choose Your Own Adventure

So, I have news. News that warrants a celebratory hair flip:

(It’s helpful to have one of those on hand.)

The news is that Verizon Wireless is sponsoring my Mighty Life List! Yes they are! We are getting this done, y’all.

I’ll be working on three items this month, and I’ll tell you all about them right here. What I’m hoping is that you’ll commit to doing three things this month too, and keep us updated via comments. At the end of the month, I’ll do a roundup about all the living we got done.

I’ll tell you more about my goals as we go along. Verizon gave me a new phone and the idea is to use it to help me tackle my Mighty Life List, so I chose goals that are more about living my daily life thoughtfully, and less about jet setting. Also, I’ve added “Tattoo a Verizon logo on my bicep” to my list, so I’ll be starting there.

Oh, but I kid. It will be on my ankle next to the Celtic gecko.

Now for you! What are you doing this month? Something awesome? Tell us.

A huge thanks to Verizon Wireless for sponsoring my Mighty Life List and helping me achieve my dreams. They’re making my site more interesting by helping me cross off few more goals, and they also gave me a Palm Pre Plus. One that completes calls. Thanks, guys.